What is Your Love Personality?

What is Your Love Personality?

by Sean Kenniff, MD 

   Finding your perfect mate may come down to ‘chemistry’ after all-the chemistry inside your brain according to a new relationship theory. Dr. Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University anthropologist, has studied brain responses to relationships for decades, and she says there are four distinct personality types based on your brain chemistry.

The Builder: Builders are fueled by the feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Serotonin is the same neurotransmitter that is believed to be critical in alleviating depression. Builders are calm, orderly and managerial in their approach to love. Although they can be pleasingly social, sometimes they are criticized for being humdrum homebodies. Builders are reliable, stable and consistent, but they can be a bit predictable and lack some spontaneity.

The Explorer: Explorers are governed by the novelty-seeking brain chemical dopamine. Imbalances of dopamine have been connected to heightened impulsivity, risk-taking behaviors, drug addiction, delusions, and even schizophrenia. Driven by dopamine explorers constantly seek excitement in relationships. Sometimes they move from relationship to relationship once the monotony sets in. Explorers are highly spontaneous and often fun lovers, but they become bored easily and are often criticized for being flighty.

The Director: The male sex hormone testosterone is thought to predominate in the brains of directors, but both men and women can fall into this personality type. In studies testosterone has been associated with aggression and competitiveness. In relationships the testosterone-driven directors are focused, rational, daring and direct. They are logical lovers, but at times they can be coldly analytical, bossy and controlling.

The Negotiator: Negotiators are governed by the female hormone estrogen, but both men and women can fall into this category. Estrogen has been associated with mothering behaviors, emotional connectivity, and selfless reasonability. Negotiators are socially skilled, idealistic peacemakers and they often find themselves at the gravitational center of relationships. They are empathetic lovers, and willing to compromise on almost every issue. 

So what types make the best matches? 

Explorers: Explorers often want to date themselves and they should. The other personality types are often frustrated by the explorer’s flights of fancy, irrationality, and unwillingness to commit to long-term relationships. So explorers should seek other explorers to keep fueling the excitement. Explorers can sometimes ground themselves by dating builders, but they run into trouble by dating directors. The no-nonsense approach of the director leaves explorers feeling confined or trapped. 

Builders: Builders value loyalty, consistency, and thrive on routine. Dating another builder is the most common and it may be the most successful relationship strategy. Two builders together often form a stable family unit, guided by shared goals and teamwork. Builders can sometimes ground an explorer, but the builder’s love of routine can often clash with the explorer’s love of novelty.   

Negotiators and Directors: Directors often need a negotiator to temper their frank, methodical approach to romance, and negotiators often benefit from the stronger backbone of directors. However negotiators, given their pleasing nature, can suit just about other personality type. Directors, on the other hand, find it very difficult to date anyone without good negotiating and peacemaking skills.